


When I step out, I'm gonna do you in

by shinykari (meinterrupted)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: #coulsonlives, Background Clint Barton/Phil Coulson, Background Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, First Time, Safer Sex, Suit Porn, Wedding, steve loves it too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-17
Updated: 2012-09-17
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:11:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meinterrupted/pseuds/shinykari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>They come runnin' just as fast as they can / Coz' every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man.</em> </p><p>Or, the one where Steve and Darcy hook up at Tony & Pepper's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I step out, I'm gonna do you in

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Abbie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbie/gifts).



> Inspired by a sexy Chris Evans gif on Tumblr (see end notes), and written for Abbie, who is an awesome human being. Title is from "Sharp Dressed Man" by ZZ Top, and beta'd by the ever-fantastic Sarah.

Steve sipped his champagne and smiled at the sight of Bruce and Betty slow dancing, staring into each other’s eyes like they held the secrets of the universe inside. Tony and Pepper had surprised Bruce by flying her in for their wedding, and it appeared that the reunion was going very well. The scene was touching, and it sparked a tiny flame of jealousy in Steve’s chest as he watched them.

“I’m glad someone’s date situation turned out well,” Darcy said from his elbow. She narrowed her eyes at the happy couples on the dance floor.

He frowned down at her, Bruce and Betty forgotten. “What happened?”

She rolled her eyes and tossed back her glass of champagne. “My date decided to hit on Natasha while I was in the ladies’ room.” Steve winced. “Yeah, I guess I don’t have to tell you how well that went over.”

“I can only imagine. Is he at least in one piece?”

She shrugged and snagged another flute from a passing server’s tray. “More or less. Last I saw, a couple waiters were helping him limp into the kitchen to ice his nuts.”

“So, she went easy on him,” he said, his mouth twisted into a wry grin.

Darcy laughed, causing the curls framing her face to bob gently. “True. I’m sure she would have been harsher if Kurt and I were actually dating, but he’s just a friend, so she was really only defending her honor, not mine too. Honestly,” she added, pausing to sip some champagne, “I think he should be more worried about Rhodey. He and Tasha have been making googly eyes at each other all night.”

“Those two have been dancing around one another for a-- Wait,” Steve blinked in surprise, as the rest of her words caught up with him, “you’re not dating Kurt?”

She made a disgusted noise. “No. We had a fling, like, a year ago, and it didn’t end all that well. But he was available tonight, and I just...” She waved her hand at the center of the room, which was filled with happy couples swaying to the music: Tony & Pepper, Thor & Jane, Bruce & Betty. Clint had dragged Coulson onto the dance floor, despite Phil’s previous declaration that he was too old to dance, damn it, and it seemed that Rhodey had finally gotten up the nerve to sit and talk with Natasha. “I just didn’t want to come by myself, you know?”

Steve shrugged. “I didn’t bring a date.”

She turned to him, one eyebrow arched. “What about the waitress; what’s her name--Beth? I thought you guys were an item. I was sure you’d bring her.”

He shook his head. “As it turns out, my job isn’t really conducive to a healthy relationship with a civilian,” he said with a self-deprecating grin. “Not knowing when or even if your boyfriend is coming back from a top-secret mission was apparently a deal-breaker for her.” 

“God, tell me about it,” Darcy huffed. “I can’t even count how many dates I’ve had to cancel since I started working here. And, surprisingly enough, most people stop believing the ‘international crisis requiring superheroes’ line after the first time, which sucks because it’s not even a line, it’s the truth!” She stopped for a breath and to finish her champagne. “I’m not bitter. Really.”

“If you say so,” he replied, smiling. The music changed, segueing into a slow song that Steve vaguely recognized. He set down his champagne and offered Darcy his hand. “Would you like to dance, Miss Lewis?”

She smiled. “Why Captain Rogers, I thought you’d never ask.” She set down her own empty flute and let him lead her to the floor.

Her could feel the heat of Darcy’s body through the fabric of her dress when he settled his hand on her hip, and the softness of her skin where their fingers intertwined. She felt good in his arms. “I’m still not a very good dancer,” he warned her.

“Oh, now I know that’s a lie,” she retorted as he led her confidently around some of the other couples. “I was the one who vetted that dance studio out by your old apartment in Brooklyn, remember?”

He quirked his lips up and spun her out in a simple turn, enjoying the way the skirt of her blue dress belled out around her legs. “Just because I took lessons doesn’t make me a dancer, Darcy.” He spun her back in a little too hard, and she stumbled into him, clinging to the lapels of his tuxedo jacket. He caught her easily, and they both laughed.

“Point taken.” She squeezed his hand. “Though I think that it’s not lack of talent, just practice.” She looked up at him, her eyes very blue without her glasses, and he had a sudden vision of leaning down to taste her lush red lips. “Maybe if you weren’t off saving the world every other week, you’d be a better dancer.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Probably,” he offered. “But I don’t think Fury would accept ‘dance lessons’ as a valid excuse for letting Dr. Doom take over New York.”

She laughed. “Yeah, something tells me that wouldn’t go over so well. But I would _love_ to be the one who hands him that incident report. I mean, the video couldn’t go outside the SHIELD intranet, but that shit would make me _famous_.” The song changed again, to something a little more uptempo, but Darcy made no move out of his arms. In fact, she stepped a little closer. “I wish I’d known you and Beth broke up,” she said.

Steve cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow. “Why?”

“Well, then you and I could have come to this together,” she said, tracing the lapel of his tuxedo jacket, “and Kurt might have a chance to have children at some point in the future.”

He huffed out a soft laugh. “Is his reproductive future really a major concern of yours?”

She shook her head and moved even closer, until they were pressed tightly together. He watched as a dark curl detached itself from her updo and slithered down to rest against her shoulder. “Not really,” she said. “But I would definitely have rather come with you.”

Steve looked down at her, his mouth open slightly. “You would?” She shrugged a little and smiled, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. “Oh.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, laughing it off and stepping back, putting distance between them. “It’s okay, I understand. I thought I’d--”

He cut her off by wrapping his arms around her waist, tugging her body flush against his, and leaning down to press a swift kiss to her red lips. When he pulled back, she was staring up at him, eyes wide. He grinned. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

She swallowed nervously, and he couldn’t help but watch the way her throat bobbed up and down. “Probably not as long as I’ve wanted you to do it,” she replied, slightly breathless.

He reached up to slide a stray curl between his fingers. It was as soft and silky as it looked. “I don’t know. The first time I saw you, you were yelling at Director Fury for screwing up your transcripts with his ‘top secret bullshit’ and making it impossible for you to get into grad school, and then having his, what was the phrase?” He paused, pretending he had to think about it, when, in reality, the scene was burned into his memory. She had been glorious. “Oh, right, for having his ‘jack-booted thugs’ kidnap you in the middle of the night to send you to Tromso without a word of explanation.”

She winced. “That was perhaps not my finest moment,” Darcy said apologetically. “But, in my defense, all of that was true. And I ended up with a job and a spot in the International Relations Master’s program at Columbia, so it all worked out.”

“I don’t know,” he said, leaning in to brush his lips softly against her forehead. “I thought it was a pretty fine moment. You were like a warrior goddess, all righteous fury.”

“Jesus, Steve,” she breathed, reaching up to twine her fingers into his hair. “I thought you didn’t know how to talk to women.”

He chuckled. “Not women, just you.”

She leaned in and pressed her face against his chest, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. “Wow, very smooth. And even more panty-melting for being totally sincere. How are you even real?”

“I have it on good authority that everything good in me came out of a bottle,” he said, voice wry.

“Tony Stark is not ‘good authority,’ Steve. He barely qualifies as human half the time.” Just then, the music changed to something upbeat and bouncy, and Darcy grinned up at him. “And now, I introduce you to the classic wedding song: YMCA.”

The rest of the reception was a bit of a blur to Steve. He and Darcy stayed on the dance floor for most of it, and he learned more dances in one evening than in six weeks of lessons. After the YMCA there was something called the Electric Slide and the Macarena, then the Cha-Cha Slide, which was easier since the music explained the steps as they happened. He and Darcy clung to one another through the slow songs, sharing short and sweet kisses and ignoring the good-natured teasing from the other guests.

“Didn’t know you had it in you, Cap,” Tony said as he and Clint approached them, both swaying just slightly, their bow ties undone and collars flapping open. “Now I owe Pepper twenty bucks.”

“I had faith in you,” Clint slurred, toasting them with his beer bottle. “And hey, Tony, since you’re married now, isn’t your stuff all hers anyway? So, really, you don’t owe her anything.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “That, my friend, is a very good point. I’ll have to bring that up with the missus.”

“If you call me that again, Tony,” Pepper said as she reached for his arm, still looking perfectly put together in her wedding dress, “you will be sleeping on the couch on your wedding night.”

Tony seemed to consider this, then shrugged, allowing her to lead him away. “Okay, you win. Does this set a bad precedent for the rest of our marriage, you telling me what to do, and me just going along with it for the sake of sex?”

“How is that different than any other phase of our relationship, Tony?” Pepper asked, fondly annoyed.

Darcy giggled and tried to hide it by pressing her face into Steve’s chest as Coulson tried to corral his husband, with far less success than Pepper. “Come on, Clint, leave them alone.”

Clint drunkenly leered at Phil. “Yeah? What do I get for being such a good boy?”

Coulson just raised an eyebrow and ignored the comment, but Steve could see his lips twitching up into a smile as he backed away from them, his hand wrapped around Clint’s forearm. “Have a lovely evening, Darcy, Captain. He won’t be bothering you again tonight.”

“You didn’t answer my question, babe. Here’s another one: can I bother you tonight?” he heard Clint murmur as the pair of them walked away, and the tips of Phil’s ears turned red.

Darcy’s grin turned into a full-fledged laugh. “Well, that was an entertaining end to the evening,” she said, glancing around at the nearly-empty reception hall.

“Mmm,” Steve agreed, and ducked down to capture her lips in a hungry kiss, tasting the champagne she’d been drinking most of the evening and a hint of icing from the wedding cake. She opened her mouth for him, her tongue hot and needy against his own. He groaned as she reached up to cup the back of his head, her short nails scratching against his scalp. His palms skated down her sides until he could cup her ass, pulling her flush against him, her soft breasts pillowed against his chest.

After a long moment, Darcy broke the kiss with a startled gasp. “Okay, was that an objection to me saying the evening is over?” she asked breathlessly. “Because I can work with that, if that’s the case. We can--”

He leaned down and kissed her again, pulling back only when she was breathless and panting. “Tony, well, Pepper got all of the wedding party suites in the hotel,” he offered, tracing circles on her lower back with his thumbs. “So we could go to mine. If you want to,” he added quickly. “I can get you a cab back to your apartment--”

Darcy cut him off with a desperate kiss. “Steve, shut up and take me to bed.”

He laughed into her mouth. “Yes, ma’am.”

For security and privacy purposes, SHIELD and Stark Industries had cleared the hotel of guests and non-essential staff, so they were alone once Darcy grabbed her clutch and they headed to his room. He pinned her to the wall as they waited for the elevator car, sliding his hand up the smooth skin of her thigh and rucking her dress up nearly to her waist. She moaned into his mouth and rubbed against his thigh, the satin of her panties doing nothing to obscure the heat of her cunt. The ding of the elevator barely broke through their lustful haze, and Steve had to shove his arm in between the closing doors twice before he dragged a laughing Darcy inside.

Before the doors shut, she crowded him against the wall, tugged the tails of his shirt out of his pants, and flattened her palms against the skin of his stomach, her clutch pinned between her arm and her body. He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed her deeply, too far gone to care about the desperate noises he made when her hands slid down past the waistband of his trousers. He hadn’t even noticed the elevator had stopped until she pulled away from him, a flush high on her cheeks and her lipstick smeared from his kisses. “Key?” she breathed.

He fumbled in his pockets for the plastic keycard, producing it with a proud flourish that made Darcy grin. She plucked it from his fingers and backed into the hall, hips swaying in a way that was too exaggerated not to be deliberate. Steve smiled and followed her, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down to nuzzle and lick at the back of her neck when she stopped to unlock the door. He leaned on her just a little, enough that when she opened the door, they stumbled through it, both laughing.

He slammed the door shut with his foot and spun her around so they were face-to-face. He leaned in to kiss her, whispering you’re so beautiful against her mouth, and she dropped her bag and grabbed the lapels of his jacket roughly, using them to drag him into the main room of the suite. He groaned when she pushed him into a sitting position on the couch, kicked off her heels, and climbed up to straddle his lap.

The skin of her thighs was warm under his hands as he slid under the fabric of her dress, squeezing gently when she pressed messy kisses against his neck and jaw. She sucked his earlobe into her mouth, biting down just hard enough to skirt the edge of pain, and he bucked up against her. He felt her breathy chuckle against his neck, just over the collar of his jacket. “We are wearing entirely too much clothing,” she murmured.

“Yes,” he breathed. Together, they clumsily stripped Steve of his jacket, which she tossed into a heap on the floor before tugging at the knot of his bow tie and undoing the stiff collar. He reached up and fumbled for the zipper on Darcy’s dress, yanking it with enough force that something ripped. “Shit.”

She just laughed and stood up, reaching behind her to finish what he started, while he unbuttoned his shirt. He swore again when he forgot he was wearing cufflinks, and his shirt caught on his wrists; Darcy leaned in to kiss away his frustration. “Stop,” she said, and pulled his shirt back up on his shoulders. “It’s fine. You look hot just like this, all,” she wiggled her fingers at him, “classy debauchery.”

He nodded and watched as Darcy slipped out of the now-ruined dress, leaving her standing there in her lingerie, illuminated just by the lights of the city streaming through the windows. The bra was navy blue satin with a scalloped lace edge, the fabric a couple shades darker than her dress, and it contrasted beautifully with her pale skin. The straps were wider than the ones he’s seen in the catalogs Tony kept leaving in the Tower’s common room, but Darcy’s chest was far better than any of the models’. The front plunged down and pushed up, framing her gorgeous breasts and making his mouth water. She wore matching panties, a triangle of satin with lace trim that barely covered her cunt and definitely didn’t cover her ass.

She was gorgeous.

He swallowed and looked up to meet her eyes, surprised to see a hint of insecurity in the way she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Darcy,” he groaned, and reached for her, not surprised at all that his voice cracked on her name. He was so hard it hurt, his cock straining against the zipper of his trousers.

She smiled and straddled him again, sliding her fingers into his hair and grinding down onto his lap. He palmed her hips and kissed her as she rubbed against him, licking into her mouth slow and filthy. She whined when he grabbed her ass and thrust up between her legs, the heat of her wet cunt too much to resist. “I think we forgot something,” she said, her voice low and raspy, and she reached between them to undo his pants and pull out his cock.

Steve let his head fall back in pleasure at the first touch of her hand on his erection. She wrapped her fingers around it, squeezing gently and maneuvering him until it stood straight up over the elastic of his boxer briefs. He jerked his hips up when she thumbed the slit, smearing precome over the head. She hummed happily, balanced carefully on his thighs, staring down at his cock like Christmas came early. “Oh, we are going to have fun,” she muttered, and leaned back to look around the room. “Condom?”

“Jacket,” he answered, and blushed a little when she raised a skeptical brow. “Tony,” he explained with a shrug. “Or he said he did. I didn’t actually check.”

She climbed off him, shimmied out of her panties, and unhooked her bra, letting her magnificent breasts swing free. She winked at him and bent over at the waist to fish through his jacket, giving Steve a very nice view of her naked ass and the lips of her cunt. He was so distracted, he didn’t realize she was laughing for several seconds. “Oh my god, you have got to be fucking kidding me,” she said, turning to him with a strip of a dozen or so condoms in one hand.

Steve gaped. “Iron Man condoms? He gave me Iron Man condoms?” He groaned and slammed his head against the back of the couch. “Could he get more egotistical?”

Darcy was still giggling. “Seriously, Steve, you can’t tell me you’re honestly surprised. Would it be more or less weird if they were Captain America rubbers?”

“I don’t know, why couldn’t they just be plain?” he whined.

“Oh baby, baby, your dirty talk gets me so hot,” she monotoned, but her hands were back on his cock, and she had a red and gold foil packet between her teeth, so Steve didn’t reply. She tugged on his pants until the elastic of his briefs wasn’t so uncomfortably snug against his balls, then ripped open the condom. He hissed a little when she rolled it on slowly, her touch teasing and light.

Then Darcy was back in his lap, her hands on his shoulders and her hot cunt poised over his cock. Steve rested his hands on her hips as she sunk down maddeningly slowly, pausing every few seconds to adjust the angle. It took every single shred of his self-control not to thrust up into her, but he forced himself to let her set the pace. Finally, seemingly hours later, he was fully seated inside her, and it was definitely worth the wait. She was hot and wet and tight around him, and then she rotated her hips, and it was even better.

“Oh, god, Steve, you feel so good inside me,” she moaned and lifted up a little before sliding back down. “Wanted you for so long, god I was so jealous of that waitress,” she babbled, picking up her pace and leaning in to press her forehead against his. “And Jesus, you in that tux! I’ve been wet since you stood up at the ceremony.”

Steve blew out a shuddery breath as she rode him, ducking down to mouth at her neck and the soft swell of her breasts, peppering her skin with kisses and love bites. She gasped and her rhythm stuttered when he bit down on the juncture between her neck and shoulder, sucking a bruise into her pale skin. She retaliated by twining her fingers into his hair and tugging hard, until he was forced to look up at her. In the flickering night lights of the city night, she looked like a goddess, all angles and contrasting light and dark.

“Darcy,” he moaned, and dug his fingers into the softness of her hips and thrust up, hard, his gaze not leaving hers. He could feel his orgasm building, the unmistakable tingling at the base of his cock. He tried to fight it, to last a little bit longer, but when he felt her release his shoulder and slide her hand between them to finger her clit, Steve was a goner. He thought he screamed her name as his vision greyed out around the edges, his climax intensified by the feeling of her cunt fluttering around his cock as she came too.

She collapsed against him, burying her face into the curve of his neck. Steve’s muscles felt like liquid, but his cock continued to twitch inside her. Darcy hummed happily, and pressed sloppy kisses against his cheek and ear. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close. “Um, wow,” he said, and she laughed and nodded.

After another few moments, she lifted herself off him with a wince, letting his cock slip out of her as she pressed a soft kiss to his lips and stood. He grunted and wrapped his fingers around the base, sliding the condom off before he softened too much and things got messy. He wrapped it in a tissue and threw it in a convenient trash can, before he looked down at himself and huffed out a soft laugh. “I can’t believe I’m still wearing the tux,” he muttered.

“I told you,” she called out from the bathroom, “it’s a good look.” She poked her head out, both hands in her hair, apparently taking out the pins that had held it up. “Mmm, but for round two I want you naked,” she said with a dirty wink.

He grinned and started to unscrew his cufflinks. “I can work with that.”

\--

The glare of sunlight streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling woke Steve far too early. He and Darcy had enjoyed a slow and long round two, then napped for a while before he’d eaten her out until she swore she’d never be able to move again. By then, the sky had been lightening to grey, nearing dawn, so--Steve narrowed his eyes at the clock on the bedside table--eight-thirty was far too early to be awake.

He grumbled and rolled out of bed, leaning down to kiss her hair before he slid the curtains shut, shrouding the room in glorious darkness. Steve stumbled to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth, then tugged on the complimentary robe and stepped into the hall to grab the newspaper.

He was surprised to see Jim Rhodes doing the same thing across the hall. He nodded, “Colonel.”

“Captain,” Rhodes replied with a small smile.

He’d turned to step back into his room, when Steve called, “Wait. Um, did Tony...” He sighed and shook his head. “Never mind.”

Apparently Rhodes knew what Steve was going to ask, because he just laughed. “If you’re asking about Tony’s little ‘gifts,’ mine were, uh, Navy-branded. His sense of humor is...”

“Juvenile?” Steve supplied.

“That’s an excellent word for it,” he said.

“Jim, are you coming back?” a low, throaty woman’s voice asked from Rhodes’ room.

Steve cocked his head to the side, noticing the way Rhodes shifted his weight uneasily from one foot to the other, and smirked. “Tell Natasha I said hi,” he offered, and Rhodes coughed to cover a laugh.

“And give Miss Lewis my regards,” he replied before disappearing into his room.

Steve grinned and took his newspaper back to the room, tossing it on the floor before stripping out of the robe and crawling back under the covers with Darcy.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what it's from but it makes me happy.
> 
> And, while I haven't found any Iron Man condoms online, there are definitely [Captain America condoms](http://www.break.com/pictures/captain-condoms-2340256).


End file.
